I have been remembering my dreams in perfect clarity lately, and it just proves, due to memory, that we do in fact dream in colour. I had a dream last night that I was standing in calf-high water, seemingly the ocean, very clear water, and three snakes came wriggling towards me. Each one was like 3 or 4 crayons had melted together, that was the vivid colour of their slick bodies. I was trying to get away from them because they seemed menacing after a moment. They surrounded me, but somehow I managed to get out of the water. What is it about dreams where it is always a rarity that you can make your legs run? It was like slow motion trying to get out of the water and came across as more of a stroll out of it and away from the impending danger of the snakes.
I wonder what this means?
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Why I'm A Christian
Some people were born into families that were Catholic or Christian, and fanatical about it. Or they were born into a family where the people were Atheist, or Buddhist, or whatever. I was born into a family that believed in God, and to some degree went to church and enforced loose rules of following Jesus. But then both my dad and mom went their own ways for awhile, so I was left to make my own decisions regarding faith.
I believed in a Higher Power, and believed always that some ONE had to have created our complex earth and all that thrived, good or bad, upon it. It's just that my view of WHO it was varied over the years of searching.
When I was little, I just believed that I was being watched over. When I was a teenager, I got into drugs, and I KNEW I was being watched. I felt the eyes even, or especially, when I was high on acid or some horrible hallucinogen that I thought I'd never come down from. They were not eyes of judgment, but they did not approve of what I was doing to myself. They were not eyes of anger, but they had a better plan for my body than the destruction I was reigning on my self. I recall looking in the mirror many times, high on something, hardly there on earth, and seeing this face, desperate for something to ground me, to shoot an arrow through the kite I was flying on in the winds of what I called adventure but now know to be a downward torrent of pain and self-destruction. I know that it was this lifestyle that brought me to my knees quicker than could have been the case. For me, drugs opened up my spiritual eyes to see the great evil that ruled that world. Many times I saw the darkness as if it were the reality, and I knew God was beckoning me to the light.
I am not a Christian because that is what I flocked to first. I am because I searched out all other pathways and asked God to show me His ultimate way. I was at one point avidly into astrology, and followed it as if it was a bible of guidance for my entire life. Pathetic, I know.
I was also very intrigued by witchcraft. I tinkered with Buddhism. I thought I could get away with "spirituality", in other words, just believing half-truths about Jesus being a good man, and being a good person who lived a life full of good deeds...lots of "good" in an otherwise jaded, rusting world. The only reason I am a Christian, to begin with, is that when I'd lay in my bed at night and assess my lifepath, I'd feel this rushing sense of un-peace. Like I wasn't quite there. I was close, but He had a better way. It turns out it is a better way, even though it is a narrow path. He led me into the fullness of His truth, and it was all the words of the Bible. The Jesus of the Bible. The One who said, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." In John 14.
I am a Christian because it is the only way my soul found peace, true, unfettered, restful peace that flowed into my soul like liquid gold in the form of endless love, endless grace, mercy, and an empowerment I never thought I would have.
I believed in a Higher Power, and believed always that some ONE had to have created our complex earth and all that thrived, good or bad, upon it. It's just that my view of WHO it was varied over the years of searching.
When I was little, I just believed that I was being watched over. When I was a teenager, I got into drugs, and I KNEW I was being watched. I felt the eyes even, or especially, when I was high on acid or some horrible hallucinogen that I thought I'd never come down from. They were not eyes of judgment, but they did not approve of what I was doing to myself. They were not eyes of anger, but they had a better plan for my body than the destruction I was reigning on my self. I recall looking in the mirror many times, high on something, hardly there on earth, and seeing this face, desperate for something to ground me, to shoot an arrow through the kite I was flying on in the winds of what I called adventure but now know to be a downward torrent of pain and self-destruction. I know that it was this lifestyle that brought me to my knees quicker than could have been the case. For me, drugs opened up my spiritual eyes to see the great evil that ruled that world. Many times I saw the darkness as if it were the reality, and I knew God was beckoning me to the light.
I am not a Christian because that is what I flocked to first. I am because I searched out all other pathways and asked God to show me His ultimate way. I was at one point avidly into astrology, and followed it as if it was a bible of guidance for my entire life. Pathetic, I know.
I was also very intrigued by witchcraft. I tinkered with Buddhism. I thought I could get away with "spirituality", in other words, just believing half-truths about Jesus being a good man, and being a good person who lived a life full of good deeds...lots of "good" in an otherwise jaded, rusting world. The only reason I am a Christian, to begin with, is that when I'd lay in my bed at night and assess my lifepath, I'd feel this rushing sense of un-peace. Like I wasn't quite there. I was close, but He had a better way. It turns out it is a better way, even though it is a narrow path. He led me into the fullness of His truth, and it was all the words of the Bible. The Jesus of the Bible. The One who said, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." In John 14.
I am a Christian because it is the only way my soul found peace, true, unfettered, restful peace that flowed into my soul like liquid gold in the form of endless love, endless grace, mercy, and an empowerment I never thought I would have.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Claustrophobia
Beckah came over yesterday, and we decided, since it was free day at the High Desert Museum, that we would venture there and have a fun day exploring the wonders there. BOY did we misjudge....we got there and there were cars and different vehicles parked all along the driveway up to the actual parking lot, but we persevered and found a spot close to the entrance. People were pouring into it like it was...free....oh yeah.
We stayed maybe an hour, and many things were not a possibility due to the CRAZY amount of humans swarming the place. I felt what it must feel lie to be an ant in an anthill. SO MANY FREAKING PEOPLE......
In the inside division of the museum, there are all of these 1800's displays, and usually it is my favorite part (besides the otter, of course...it's name is Thomas and he's usually so playful and happy-go-lucky you cannot help but giggle at his antics..) but the inside was so congested with people, and it's pretty dark in there, that I immediately started getting a panic attack and hyperventilating from Claustrophobia, that we hunted out the nearest exit and took it. It led us straight through the butterfly exhibit, which would have been so awesome, if the volunteers hadn't just gone on their smoke break, filling the already 85 degree (yes. Hot as HELL, after being used to 35-45 degree weather this Winter) with the stench of cigarette smoke in the misty and coagulated room. We bolted towards the doors to the outside division of the museum, and AHHHH, filled our lungs with the sweet scent of pine and chill weather (although warmish compared to our current weather, according to Becks, "A heat wave!" haha.)
and the sweetest scent of all...no squealing children, shoving parents, shuffling feet of the elderly, etc.
I HATE crowds!!!!
It could have been a really fun time...IF there were not so many humans. I know that may sound cold-hearted, but c'mon, I think as people, we all share one common-thread...We all enjoy the expanse of being one of few people within a space so that we don't have to fight for our air supply and elbow room. It's not too cold-hearted to want the foot space to be able to walk freely where you want to go without standing in a huge line. It's just the way we are.
That said, it was really cool of the High Desert Museum to have a free-day, it was just overrated, I think I would definitely prefer to pay the over-priced fee to go in, if I can walk through the place without worrying about losing my 4-year old in a crowd of thousands. Just sayin......
We stayed maybe an hour, and many things were not a possibility due to the CRAZY amount of humans swarming the place. I felt what it must feel lie to be an ant in an anthill. SO MANY FREAKING PEOPLE......
In the inside division of the museum, there are all of these 1800's displays, and usually it is my favorite part (besides the otter, of course...it's name is Thomas and he's usually so playful and happy-go-lucky you cannot help but giggle at his antics..) but the inside was so congested with people, and it's pretty dark in there, that I immediately started getting a panic attack and hyperventilating from Claustrophobia, that we hunted out the nearest exit and took it. It led us straight through the butterfly exhibit, which would have been so awesome, if the volunteers hadn't just gone on their smoke break, filling the already 85 degree (yes. Hot as HELL, after being used to 35-45 degree weather this Winter) with the stench of cigarette smoke in the misty and coagulated room. We bolted towards the doors to the outside division of the museum, and AHHHH, filled our lungs with the sweet scent of pine and chill weather (although warmish compared to our current weather, according to Becks, "A heat wave!" haha.)
and the sweetest scent of all...no squealing children, shoving parents, shuffling feet of the elderly, etc.
I HATE crowds!!!!
It could have been a really fun time...IF there were not so many humans. I know that may sound cold-hearted, but c'mon, I think as people, we all share one common-thread...We all enjoy the expanse of being one of few people within a space so that we don't have to fight for our air supply and elbow room. It's not too cold-hearted to want the foot space to be able to walk freely where you want to go without standing in a huge line. It's just the way we are.
That said, it was really cool of the High Desert Museum to have a free-day, it was just overrated, I think I would definitely prefer to pay the over-priced fee to go in, if I can walk through the place without worrying about losing my 4-year old in a crowd of thousands. Just sayin......
Friday, January 21, 2011
Once upon a time there was a girl...
So, it may be hard for some to imagine this, but once, I was a girl who was young, and carefree and full of dreams. Lately I have been feeling like a washed-out, exhausted, dreamless, hopeless mother and wife with no imagination.
I mean lately, as in, the last couple of years. But in the last month or so, I feel that I am returning to my roots, and starting to dream again, and hope, and have some pretty crazy faith. I believe that it was on hold because I wasn't creatively and passionately seeking after my Jesus. He is really the dream-bestower, the hope-renewer, and the faith-infiltrator. I have been attempting to gather up my energy and pour it more fully into serving Him. Obeying His voice, listening for the quiet instruction, and going where He leads. I want to be on an adventure in this life, and I know I can only truly embark on this adventure if I allow Him to be the guide and one who forges ahead of me.
I have heard many exploits and endeavors, by people who allow the Holy Spirit to lead them wherever they go, and I want that badly! Graham Cooke is one of those people, he is plunging ahead and going where many have not dared to go, and I want to be ready at Christ's command, whether it be into the dark alleys to shed some light, or down the street to a lonely neighbor's house to bring some cookies and conversation. I long to be less internal and more loving outwardly.
This will only be good and lasting if I first give my efforts and energy to Jesus as an offering of worship from my firstfruits. He is worthy of the first of our finances, the first of our time, and the first of our outpouring of life each day.
So, whoever is my friend and loves me, will hold me accountable to this calling. True worship is placing Him first, and my greatest desire as a human and Christ-follower, is to be a true worshiper. I love Him, and I want it to show. amen?
I mean lately, as in, the last couple of years. But in the last month or so, I feel that I am returning to my roots, and starting to dream again, and hope, and have some pretty crazy faith. I believe that it was on hold because I wasn't creatively and passionately seeking after my Jesus. He is really the dream-bestower, the hope-renewer, and the faith-infiltrator. I have been attempting to gather up my energy and pour it more fully into serving Him. Obeying His voice, listening for the quiet instruction, and going where He leads. I want to be on an adventure in this life, and I know I can only truly embark on this adventure if I allow Him to be the guide and one who forges ahead of me.
I have heard many exploits and endeavors, by people who allow the Holy Spirit to lead them wherever they go, and I want that badly! Graham Cooke is one of those people, he is plunging ahead and going where many have not dared to go, and I want to be ready at Christ's command, whether it be into the dark alleys to shed some light, or down the street to a lonely neighbor's house to bring some cookies and conversation. I long to be less internal and more loving outwardly.
This will only be good and lasting if I first give my efforts and energy to Jesus as an offering of worship from my firstfruits. He is worthy of the first of our finances, the first of our time, and the first of our outpouring of life each day.
So, whoever is my friend and loves me, will hold me accountable to this calling. True worship is placing Him first, and my greatest desire as a human and Christ-follower, is to be a true worshiper. I love Him, and I want it to show. amen?
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