True Contentment.

Today is Saturday and Chris is working. I have Harmony and Jude, and Eli is with Grandpa. Outside the trees are painted white with snow, and the ground is a sheet of white glaze as well. Though I am not fond of the cold, it is extremely beautiful.
There are no plans until tonight, when we are going to dinner at the Dickinson's house. It's been a long time since our families connected, so I am excited about that time together. I am snuggled in the softest red blanket with hearts all over it, just finished my coffee, my mind is sharp-edged with the caffeine and the freshness of morning.
My husband brought me pink roses last night, and they looked so sweet and beautiful in the bag, and then we took them out to place them in a vase, and they fell all over the place, wilted and past their prime. Chris was really disappointed, he felt like he threw away $13. I said we could take them back....
Isn't it so often in real life that people or things look like they are perfect in their little package of appeal and perfectness, and then we get a closer look only to find it was an illusion and simply a disappointment? "The grass is always greener" quote is so accurate. We must make the most of our lives where we are now. I was so unhappy for so long, thinking that this place was so dissatisfying and that I needed to move back to California, or someplace else. But the problem was not where we live, it was in ME. I was discontent because I had allowed myself to become stale and joyless. I had my husband so convinced of my unhappiness and depression, that he knocked on many doors to get us out of here so I could "be happy" again. Every door remained shut, but God spoke to me, saying,"Bloom here. I have you HERE. Make the very most of it."

It is so important to remain fruitful and to be thankful for what we have. I have been so ungrateful for what I have. God has blessed me abundantly with: My beautiful husband who has such an amazing heart, who listens to me and loves me, who tends to me carefully like a gardener in their realm of flowers. He is a jewel, and I couldn't have asked for a more precious gift and friend to remain by my side during my stay here on earth.
My children! Each one is such a delight in their own individual, adorable way. Eli is so intuitive, he knows me so well! He is affectionate and kind, and smart, and we have the best conversations. Harmony is sweet and feminine and a peacemaker by nature. She is sensitive and doting, and understands people on a deeper level than most adults. Jude, my little Judebug, is such a ball of curiosity and joy. He adores his sister and brother, loves to play, explore, run, chatter and crawl into mine and Chris' laps and cuddle. They each make me smile so much, and laugh! I am so blessed beyond belief to have three such healthy, exuberant babies!
I am thankful for my home, my bed, my kitchen where I can cook meals for my family and friends, and our living room where we hold our prayer group. There are SO MANY things to list when you get into this frame of mind, it is hard to hold back. It would take all day to say all of the things I am so grateful for. And it would take up way too much room. But, I know that the number one "thing" I am thankful for, and which is the reason that all of these other things have been ushered into my life to make me so prosperous, and it is Jesus.
When I think about my life before I chose to give Him my heart, I feel the void and deep chasm that was my soul. I was in pain, and hungry for something I couldn't put a name to. I just knew the things I was choosing to fill the gap in my heart with were just serving to make me emptier and more dead. Drugs, sex, friendships with people in the world, busyness, alcohol, astrology, all of the things I made my religion before Christ, were like gateways to more pain and loss. It was a downward stairway that I was descending rapidly and blindly, thinking it brought me release when it only birthed self-destruction and misery.
Today, I am thankful. To know true joy and peace. To be flooded with a light that can never be put out or die. I am thankful for a hunger and thirst that has been quenched with a feast that won't decay nor become gall in my belly. I am at ease. "He brought me to His banqueting table, and His banner over me is love." He extends this peace and love to all who ask, to all who simply say it and mean it in their hearts. "Come, lay down thy weary head upon My breast and dine with Me." He says. "Be free. Lay down your burdens so that I can take them up and you can be free." Jesus is the Way, The Truth and the Light. Come today and be refreshed once and for all.

I will praise thee for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.