It's been awhile since I posted a blog, so here goes. It's not necessarily that I have been busy, I've just been trying to stand on God's promises. Sometimes that can consume all that I have within me. Sounds dramatic, but there it is.
We have been struggling terribly with our finances due to a new thing where the state of California is taking out 550 dollars straight from Chris' paycheck. I am honestly not sure what our next step is, but I see boxes and moving trucks dancing in my head, with nowhere to go. There are many things I am battling, in prayer, and in life, and Chris is planning his next cd. I will probably erase this after I write it so that I don't get in trouble...we'll see how cheeky I feel when I am done with this post...;)
Everybody here in Bend seems to somehow be pulling away from me, without even trying. I have few connections left here. God has made no promise of leading us to California like I would like, or anything specific, but we were prayed over on our last trip there, as a couple, by an amazing woman of prophetic giftings. It was said that He would lead us out of here, but we would not leave in haste. And so my dilemma. My constant dilemma when God speaks a promise, is to run ahead and try to discover the rest. God is trying to teach Chris and I to trust Him, to have joy in all circumstances (in sickness and health, in richness or poorness) and to wait on Him faithfully, patiently. Well....I am not patient. I am frustrated. Truth be told, when Chris said he was going to start recording on his 2nd cd in the end of August, I envisioned myself packing up the entire house, getting a storage unit, letting him stay with a friend, and taking the kids to my Mom's so that we can save money and have some sort of hope for the future. Everything is unsure! I am trying not to be stressed and worried, because truly, He is taking care of our daily bread, but we owe bills!! Many!! and rent! I will not lose heart...I will keep on, because I am human and I have strength funneling into my weak, pathetic spirit from a mighty, holy, awesome God who is rich beyond measure. "I would have lost heart, if I did not believe that I would see the goodness of the Lord, in the land of the living." Psalm 27:13.
I will wait. I will trust. I will yield to Him to chisel this patience thing into my heart. My soul will rise to Him and I will sit by still waters meditating on His peace and hope and faithfulness. Even if it's the hardest thing I have to do.
I will be praying for you Annie.We too struggle with finances,always have truthfully.It's not because God's not providing,it's cause we're so bad at budgeting. Our income is modest so we don't have much which I am always fine with because I don't want much.It's traveling and beer that gets us into trouble.And if I am being really honest,it's our nasty expensive habit of smoking,which I am ashamed of.We started a program through David Ramsey which seems to be very easy but I am overwhelmed as well.We do so little as it is.But with a hefty house and truck payment what can you expect.We sold ourselves into the American dream and now we pay the cost of it.I miss the simple days of missionary work and plead with God that one day very soon we can sell all our earthly possessions again and be fools for Christ once more.For some reason He continues to shut doors that we pursue to volunteer in ministry and we feel disconnected from our home church.We don not attend a bible study because we can't find one where we can bring our children.It's been very frustrating.So I feel for you.And will be praying for God's favor upon your finances and that He overwhelms you with a peace that surpasses all understanding. I stand on the promises of Jeremiah 29:11 and know that ultimately this is all for Him.I gave a homeless guy my last couple bucks yesturday and said a quick prayer over him.He cried and said,"Thank-you sister,I have been sitting here for hours and people look at me in disgust..and then you come along and I am reminded of some good in this world." I told him it was God and invited him to church,we talked for a while.He's a Vietnam vet.It's times like that that I am feeling I have the most purpose....my mission field is where God's got me,yours too.He's not going to lead you to Oregon to leave you alone.You have great purpose sister.
ReplyDeleteLeah..
ReplyDeleteFor someone who I have never personally met, you encourage me so much! I thank you for being so real, I love that more than anything else in a person!! You should not be ashamed of your dirty little secret, just quit when you can! God will give you strength to do it. I quit when I got pregnant with Eli (almost 12 years ago,) but then I took up smoking cloves and vanilla cigs for another couple years when he was between 2 and 4. Then I got saved drastically by the Lord and He convicted me, so I quit once again. But He doesn't do that in everyone, and when it is time, you will know and respond accordingly. I always wonder what little sins or fleshly things are holding me back from more, deeper, stronger in Christ! There have been many setbacks, but one thing remains: If we are transparent and willing to admit our wrongs, He is more than willing and able to fix/chisel and complete us in Him. Blessings and so much love!!! xoxo
So true about sins holding us back and I appreciate the encouragement! I long for the day that I can live in the fullness of my potential and stand on the truth that I am made and will be used for His great purposes. I will one day be whole,healthy with no vices of my own demise when I get to dance with our Father in heaven.Oh joy will be the day I stand in front of Him and He will embrace me no matter my flaws I have on this earth.Oh not to mention we'll not need money!!!!!!!!!! Love to you! God's blessing upon all facets of your life.Never ceasing to pray.
ReplyDeleteI forgot to mention I won't have anymore crappy tats in heaven either,LOL!
ReplyDeleteI didn't know you had crappy tats...pictures pleeeeease? What are they of? You are so funny!!!
ReplyDeleteLOVE!!
Your funny.I have 8 tats.I went through a stage about the age of 18 when I thought it would "cool"...Have not had any new additions for 10 years at least.My priorities have changed since I had kids.Plus they are sooo expensive.I would in my imaginary world have quarter sleeves one day. I have changed sooooo much to since those days of harsh rebellion. My tats,all but one,are harsh to look at.My view may be scewd because I don't like them.They are lifeless to me and not feminin(cant spell). They don't even have meaning to them.So ridiculous. I have struggled with being so self aware of them for years.The biggest one is on my chest(cause that was another bright idea,lol),a huge tribal,black design.I have looked into lazer treatments and also a fading cream specifically for that one tat.But the cost and effects of it are not worth it. My honey says one day we can add some flowers,paisleys or whatever I want.That kinda scares me though,not as courageous and cliff jumping as I used to be.Plus tattoo shops are so daunting to me,spiritually demonic in some shops and oppresive.I have been praying about the matter for a long time.And as you can tell I am still conflicted.I honestly love tattoos if they are done artistically and professionally.I would love some scripture on me.I will make an album of my tats just for you and post them on facebook.I know there are some pics of me with visible tats on my facebook page.But not of my favorite one.A green celtic knot on my calve.I love celtic art period,always have.Funny God brought us to Ireland and it goes to show you He plants desires in us from the beginning of our existance.I have totally ranted on here,sorry.Anywho,Love to you! -Leah
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