Marriage

I just recently found out about a pastor that we used to have in California who has ended up in a horrible divorce with his wife of many years, and a messy custody battle over his children. It was strange, I was just sitting on my couch at a late hour (which around this house, is the only time I can hear God's voice because it's actually quiet) when I thought of him. I had not thought of this guy in many years, that his face came out of the blue. I couldn't even remember his name at first, just that he had been very kind and patient to me, counseled me when I was hooked on drugs and in the midst of all of my teenage angst. I remember sitting in his office across the desk from him, and going over scripture with him. I was a very confused girl at that point, and he would redirect my aimless rants to solid truth. Gently. I will not forget that.
We all have our struggles, and I have no doubt that both parties are to blame, but it just brings to mind the fact that marriages are crumbling left and right. If people within the church cannot retain a unified covenant, how can the world be expected to either? When we say our vows, one of the most important things spoken is this: What God has put together, let no man put asunder. In other words, no one, even yourself, should tear apart what God has put together. Of course, I am not dogmatic, and believe that sometimes, there are exceptions, and usually it is because God wasn't the one who put the two together, it was their own doing, and that is why it fell apart, because He had no part in in from the beginning. But a marriage that was two people, seeking God, and led to make that lifelong commitment, then just throwing in the towel, that is a tragedy indeed in my mind.
In this world we are living in where people lie daily to each other and cheat and seek their own happiness above anything else, it is nearly impossible to make anything last. This is why I am so filled with a quickening to place my desires and daydreams under the light of God's truth. Is it really necessary for me to have all the things I want or think I need all the time? Or will it be more beneficial and glorifying to battle out the things that are so vital. My marriage is the number one most important thing to me beside my relationship with Christ. My husband has faults, as do I, but I know that if I went searching for someone with less faults I would be wildly disillusioned, exchanging something highly valuable for a pipe-dream. With relationships, you are going to have messes. It is a basic fact of the matter. Our relationship with the Lord is one of the most perfect examples, and I even fall short daily in THAT one, so I should expect to find challenges and discrepancies in my everyday family relationships. Does this mean we give up and run away? No. I heard it said once, before I got married to Chris, that if you picture a married couple like 2 horses in a corral, who, when in an argument of some sort, each can run to the opposite sides of the corral but cannot leap over the fence, and must eventually come into the middle again to resolve their differences. It is a good mental picture for me, because I never really learned from anyone how to communicate through differences, if someone didn't see eye to eye with me, the conversation was over, we'd agree to disagree, but to try and work something out, some common ground, would be too much work and so I would run away. When I married Chris, however, I said to myself, I will not do this lightly. I will remain single if I want things to be simpler. In 1 Corinthians 7:34 it says,"An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world- how she can please her husband." and I knew, I would not allow anything less than His perfect best to take my attention away from Him. When Chris came along, I was not looking for that from him at all, it just fell into place, and I knew with all of my being that he was the one worth fighting for. It saddens me that it has to be such a battle sometimes to hold something together that was meant for a blessing...we make petty things into so much more than they need to be, rather than "Covering over a multitude of sins in love" as 1Peter 4:8 & Proverbs 10:12 charges us to do. One of my favorite verses is also from Corinthians, and it says not to take account of offenses. I tend to do this, and it is one of the things I seek to free myself from. If Chris took account of my offenses rather than letting them go, I'd be a guilty woman in his sight.
I love this verse, it has been on my heart a lot lately,"How good and pleasant it is for brothers to dwell together in unity! It is like precious (fragrant) oil poured on the head, running down the beard.." Psalm 133:1-2 The whole Psalm is worth reading, it is one of the shortest and most important Psalms, it is as if that was all that needed to be said in it. How important for us to be united!! "For there the Lord bestows His blessing, even life forevermore." Oil in scripture always represents the holy spirit, a sort of inner vulnerability, a holiness and beauty in my mind, like the woman who broke her expensive alabaster vial to spill out the perfume upon Jesus' feet, it needed to be broken to spill out it's worth, just like our hardened hearts need to be broken to emit the fragrance of love. Unity is one of the most powerful and glorious tools we have in relationships and in congregation, yet there is so precious little of it. Let us begin by keeping our marriages together and our hearts soft towards each other. Then perhaps the church will truly display the image of a Beloved wife and her Husband, Jesus, dwelling together in perfect unity, rather than quarreling over ridiculous and petty things such as whether to have the music before or after, with lights on or off in church, and silly things! Let us be inclined to put one another above ourselves and not live enslaved to selfishness and self-seeking. Marriage on earth is supposed to be the example for what the Church looks like, minds in one accord walking toward a common goal. Why do we make it so complicated?