Being Led

Today Chris and I left the house in a blustering big hurry in order to get to a certain church on time. We left at around 9:55am, and the new church service starts at 10. We drove in the right direction, thinking we'd be only about 5 minutes late, and then we suddenly had second thoughts. We turned around and drove in the direction of another church we kinda wanted to try out, and the sign said IT started at 10 too, so we changed our minds again, and drove in the direction of the church we've been sampling for a few months now, and it felt so RIGHT. It was weird, we both felt it so clearly, that we were supposed to be there today, now. It was a relief, and the service was definitely the one we needed to be in. It was about the Holy Spirit, and Casey Parnell and Mike Summers led worship, and their hearts are both so precious towards the Lord that we were able to enter in to the presence of God, etc.
It was so good to know that even if we are heading in the opposite direction of where we're supposed to be going, God's heart is so concerned with His placement of us, that He'll turn us around and set our feet on the perfect path of His plan. Just one more reason I am in love with Jesus!
Just had to share that. I am joyful today.

The Weepies

Music

Chris and I have both always had a huge passion for music. We were both raised on a lot of different genres of musical talents, but Chris prefers old folk, country folk, Indie styles, mellow music, and classic rock. I enjoy almost every genre except country. I don't mind old country like Willie Nelson and Dolly Parton, but I despise the new country rock. I think it is annoying. My favorite artists include Beck, Iron & Wine, Coldplay, Bob Marley (his really old reggae is sooo amazing), and too many to name really. I used to be really drawn to darker music styles like Portishead, Moby, Bjork, Nine Inch Nails, Depeche Mode, Fiona Apple, but it's hard for me to listen to now because I see the moods that music can put me into. It's quite the phenomenon how quickly and solidly music can transport you into different frames of mind.
When I listen to uplifting worship music like Hillsongs, the Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir, Kim Walker, John Mark McMullan, or Delirious, I become encompassed with feeling. My soul expands and my heart opens, and I am in a place where I can hear the Lord speaking to me pretty clearly. It just makes me more at peace, and happier. When I listen to The Weepies, Sufjan Stevens, Iron and Wine, or Coldplay, I am in touch with either my melancholy self, or the part of me that enjoys wordplay and depth of song, even if my soul is not necessarily always glorifying God. I enjoy music, and all types. I love to listen to Classical or Opera if I am painting or writing because it is a good backdrop for creative juices to flow.
If I am angry, for instance, I used to listen to Rage Against the Machine or Fiona Apple, but now I know, if I am angry, that's just going to make me MORE angry and despairing. I will put on something peaceful like one of the Bobs (Bob Dylan or Bob Marley) or worship music or Neil Young.
Chris and I love music, we love our different varying tastes in music because that just means we have more options in the house and car to choose from:)
Music is good.

Willie- Chris' first favorite musician

Bob Dylan....my husband's 2nd favorite musician

Book Corner

I thought I would dedicate this post to books I have recently read and enjoyed in the last few months.
First off, I have always been a big reader. It is one of my most favorite pastimes. I remember being very small and already a great lover of books. I would spend hours laying on my bed or sitting in a tree reading the Nancy Drew books, Ramona Cleary books, The Secret Garden, Deenie, and Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret by Judy Blume. I think one of my favorites back then was Just As Long As were Together by Judy Blume, and another, Ten Kids, No Pets by Ann M. Martin. The names of the ten children in that book inspired me to want to name my children interesting, rare names. I read those two books over and over and over again until I had them almost memorized.
I am almost 100% convinced that part of the reason my eyesight is so terrible today is because I would stay up until midnight reading by moonlight in my room as a child, or as I got older, I was the classic kid reading with a flashlight underneath my quilt until the wee hours of the morning! It was an obsession. I got lost in the stories, they transfixed me, swept me away into a different world where I was the character and lived another life.
I loved mysteries most when I was younger, I think. I read every Nancy Drew I could get my hands on, and those books where you can choose different endings appealed to me too. As I got a little older, I loved the V.C. Andrews books mainly because I knew I shouldn't be reading them, and then that turned into an entire misuse of my reading habits......but I'll talk about that another time.
Well, to begin, the latest books I've read include The Giver by Lois Lowry, We Have Always Lived in the Castle by Shirley Jackson, Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers, and right now I am working through The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger. I attempted to read Bridget Jones' Diary, but had to return it to the library before I could get interested (not to mention the language was coarse). I have The Haunting of Hill House, also by Shirley Jackson, and plan to read it, but I am not sure why.
To Kill a Mockingbird was more interesting the first time around, when we read it as a 7th grade class in voices, but still I am glad I reread it recently.
I am spacing on the other books I have read in the last few months because my kids are fighting, as usual, which is why I stay up until midnight reading most nights, I simply cannot get through more than a page at a time with these kids yelling and pulling at me! So, my reading time is at night, with my crystal lamp half-shrouded by a silk scarf so my husband (who arises at 4 in the AM to slave away) can get some shut eye without my late night reading escapades diverting his efforts of rest.
Thanks for reading this lame post...it was meant to turn into a sort of review of books, but I am not able to do that at the moment due to scurrying small-folk:)
Good Day!

Snow Globe

So, I woke up in the middle of the night last night, and it was crazy snowing outside. Everything was already covered in pure white fluff. When we got up this morning, the children scurried about at 7:30 am excited and standing on beds to see through the windows and watch the snow floating all around. It looked like we were inside of a snow globe, everything perfectly coated in layers of white.
I love how everything gets all muted when it snows. Traffic passes slowly over the highway, like cars traveling over pillows. People walking sounds like soft padding through billowy feathered quilts. The world is like a frosted cake. It looks so clean and virginal.
But there are the drawbacks too... Like how flipping cold it is when you step foot outside, how many layers of clothing you must don, and getting three kids ready to go anywhere consumes so much time that by the time you ARE ready, you don't really see the point anymore. Like church today. I really wanted to go, but Chris had to work to make up for getting Thanksgiving off, so it would be just me and the kids going. I pondered it, and still want to go, but here it is nearing the time to be there and I am still in my p.j.'s, and so are the kids. It's freezing out there! Staying in and drinking hot cocoa and watching movies or playing games just sounds so much more appealing.
Also, driving, if you do get out, is really scary. Wheels seem like they have an extra pair of roller skates on that you must skate through slippery greased streets. Sometimes the going is fine, and feels safe, and other times, your brakes simply do not work and you skid through stop signs and around round-abouts until something stops you, like the car in front of you, or a curb.....
I drive like a 90-year old woman when snow is on the ground, my sense of safety in trepidation and hesitance.
Or I just don't leave the house.
I felt bad for my husband this morning as he set off at 5 in the morning in the dark, to scrape piles of snow from his windshield, and heat his icy car, to work on a Sunday. I wished he could just stay cozy in bed with me and we could pull the covers over our heads and crank up the heater and have coffee in bed, and perhaps ditch church.
But it is beautiful if you don't have to go out in it.

Sunrise

This picture is taken in Cayucos Beach, a little coastal town in California near San Luis Obispo, where we have rented a house right on the beach since I was about ten. The sunrises are spectacular (when the fog doesn't mar it's beauty), the sunsets glorious, and the family time we get to spend together rich and plentiful.
When I was young, I took my family time for granted. Now, I know what I had is a rare gift. Not everyone has a family that actually enjoys gathering in a house where they can't help but get in each others ways, where the grandparents are involved and truly love you, and your aunts and uncles and cousins are fun to be around.
It is of extreme importance to me now to make time for my family to get away together and enjoy each others company in a place other than our house, because it was something that was a priority to my dad's side of the family. I am thankful for the getaways we had growing up!
Grandpa Bob always adored the beach, so that was usually the backdrop for many vacations we took as a family. He took me on my first low tide explorations, discovering crabs, sand dollars, sea anemones, and starfish in every vivid color. He'd take them out of the sandy water like treasures from a treasure chest and crouch down so that we could touch them in his hand. It was as if he was seeing them for the first time too, through our virginal eyes, and everything was so wonderful and new!
My dad also played a huge part in my passion for sojourning. He took us to the most amazing, gorgeous places to camp as we were growing up. The Redwoods, Big Sur, and Yosemite to hike all around the forestry terrain. We drank from cool fresh streams, we set up tents together, and heard bears rummaging in the middle of the night in our campsite, saw snakes and different types of woodland creatures, smelled the different scents of the land, musky and damp in the forest with brilliant ferns and mosses, we discovered waterfalls together and wildflowers and beauty.
He too loved seeing things through our childish eyes, all of the things he'd seen before, now seeing them amaze and awe us kids to silence or excitement.
I want that for my kids too! I want them to discover the beauty this earth we live on has to offer, all of God's intricate masterpieces in nature, all of the feelings seeing something fresh stir up within a child, and in me.
Looking back, I don't recall my dad having a ton of money to squander away on these excursions, he (being the terrific financier that he is) most likely saved up for these trips for months before we'd go, so that we could have all the fun we wanted when on them. I don't want to waste time saying,"When we have the money, we'll do this, or that" I want to seize the day and forage ahead in unexplored land (at least unexplored by me, not man, haha, I am not that crazy) and I want to give my kids the gift of seeing the many things this world has to offer in the form of beauty.
This is my prayer today.

New Clothes

"I delight greatly in the Lord;
My soul rejoices in my God.
For he has clothed me with garments
of salvation
and arrayed me in a robe of
righteousness,
as a bridegroom adorns his head
like a priest,
and as a bride adorns herself
with her jewels."
~~Isaiah 61:0~~

clothes:
plural noun clothing, wear, dress, gear (informal), habits, get-up (informal), outfit, costume, threads (slang), wardrobe, ensemble, garments, duds (informal), apparel, clobber (Brit. slang), attire, garb, togs (informal), vestments, glad rags (informal), raiment (archaic or poetic), rigout (informal) He was dressed in casual clothes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
We feasted on delicious victuals & libations, and had the most enriching and wonderful fellowship last night with some good (albeit new) friends and their precious family. The men joyfully played their instruments while us ladies looked on.
I was broken by their kindness and generosity. They have just gone through an unspeakable tragedy and yet they entertained us with the best of cuisine and hospitality. The peace of the Lord was in their home so thickly, I could feel Him watching over us and sense His angels on high keeping charge of this family and the atmosphere within their rooms.
Harmony came home with the most beautiful items that I can just see she treasures. The things given to her mean so much because I know they were given at a high price, and we didn't take that lightly.
It caused me to think about the new clothes that were given us at the time of our salvation, and again shall be given us when we enter Heaven and are adorned in white like Him. He esteems these garments with a high alliance. It welds us to Him in purity when we step into the new clothes of righteousness. We are all at once white as snow, our sins forgiven and as far as the East is from the West. It's incredible.
Maybe this is a strange correlation, but that's okay, it's my blog...and my head can be strange. I am so thankful for these friends, and for God's righteousness that he freely imparts to us, so I knew I had to write about it. There.
LOVE->> annie

Bickers

The worst sort of day is when Chris has a rare day off and rather than enjoy each others company, we end up bickering about petty issues and ruining the atmosphere with our words and attitudes. Our kids suffer (Harmony the little peacemaker tries to resolve everything by saying to us,"Why are you guys fighting? Please don't fight. Mommy, be nice to Daddy. Daddy, be nice to Mommy.")It's seems so simple to our daughter to just be nice and get along, but to us in the moment, it is complicated and the walls fly up.
Chris is almost always the one who comes to me to resolve things by communication. For some reason I just want to wallow in self-pity and anger for far longer than he, but he doesn't allow me to do that. He comes to me and embraces me, or if the situation isn't at that point yet, he soothes me with his words like David calmed Saul with his lyre and musical gift.
Often, it is a spiritual attack on our marriage, and when he comes and puts his arm around me and prays, the hardness around my heart and his is softened and melts away. It's as if I can immediately breathe easier, see more clearly, and my heart resigns itself to forgiveness rather than bitterness and playing the offense over and over in my head like a broken record of despair.
It is amazing what prayer can accomplish when we stop in the chaotic times that surely come, and turn our thoughts and hearts to Him in need. Everything can change, and often does. His mercy sweeps in, His light of clarity shines in, and all the untruths fall to the wayside. I love Jesus for these reasons. He remedies every complicated trial, even if it is not in the way we think it should come. His peace is everything to me, and on the days when I have none, those are the worst days.
"Seek peace and pursue it"...This I will do with all my heart...when I remember that is:)

Peacemakers

"But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy. Now the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace." ~James 3:17

Sometimes I just get one word in my mind and I'll go to my study Bible and reference the word to see what verse pops out at me. Today the word was, obviously, peacemakers. I think it came into my mind because I know a lot of Christians who thrive on the opposite: stirring up strife and conflict. I don't like being that way, perhaps due to my extreme anxiety over becoming defensive and hostile rather than listening to others points of views and being loving. What is accomplished by putting people in the defense and making them angry? Nothing. I think it's great when people enjoy a healthy debate over opinions, but when it comes down to it, if your drive behind the debate is to make the other person share your opinion, than it is worthless!
I love the verse that says,"The goodness of God leads (us) to repentance." It is love, and kindness, not arguments and opinionated jargon, that will bring others into belief and understanding.
Being a peacemaker is key to the goodness of God. Jesus was the epitome of peace in a human. (albeit God inhabiting Him as well...) Everywhere He went, though He spoke the truth, He also listened and chose the least conflicting path of communication to resolve matters of utmost difficulty. It was a gift.
"Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord..."....No one will SEE the Lord unless we acquire this gift of peacemaking!
"Blessed are the peacemakers, For they shall be called sons of God." I want to be called a "son", or daughter. By being a peacemaker, we become like Him, and He is pleased to call us His own. We glorify Him truly when we strive to make peace abound wherever we go, wherever we dwell.
I was at the grocery store the other day, with my young friend Beckah, and I had accidentally gotten into the Family Friendly 12 items only lane with about 20 items. It was a complete oversight. I was in the middle of autographing my check, groceries bagged, when I heard a grumbling voice behind me in line say,"That sure is a lot of 12 items." I smiled, thinking he was joking, and turned towards the old man who had uttered the words. "I don't know why that's funny." He said. I looked up at the sign above our heads, and sure enough, I WAS in the 12 items or less line. My immediate reaction was to ignore the man (who kept going on, angrily escalating in what he was saying) and run out the door with my stuff. But I turned to him politely and replied,"You know what, you are totally right. I didn't realize I was in the 12 items line. I am so sorry." He looked down, and averted his grumbling to the checker, who said to him, "I am in customer service, sir, I will help the customers in my line." To which he replied,"Well then why am I not being HELPED??" and she said, "She's writing her check and then I will help you.." He was so mad! I attempted to be a peacemaker, and I am sure it could've been worse had I not. But it doesn't always yield rewards when we sow peace, we just know later when we have that sense of God's pleasing eye on us, that we went the right way (and for me, that can be monumental.)
I want to be a peacemaker wherever I go, if only to know that in some small way, I am channeling Christ's pure attitude in my own fallen flesh. This is enough for today.

The sky is a grey backdrop today

It's one of those days where the sky is entirely grey with no visible pockets of blue or even cloud. It is like living in gravy. Still, it is pretty, and my heart awoke this morning thankful for breath and warmth and life. My daughter ran into my room as she almost always does each morning, and the first thing out of her mouth was, "Good morning mommy, I love you." Today I heard it more clearly, I think. My little girl loves me! She may not always say that to me first thing when we wake up. It was precious, and it made me want to tell my Daddy, Jesus, "Good morning, I LOVE you!" Because I know He would be just as enamored by my saying it as I was to hear my daughter say it to me.
ANd then my 3 year old little guy walked into the room and said, "I pooped." (in his pants...) and the lovefest took a new spin......

Friends

I am one of those people who are just better one on one, I think. I get really ADD when there is a lot of conversation carrying on around me. I love quality time with a good friend that I enjoy listening to and vice versa. Last night, that friend was Anna. We had a good time out at Anthony's (even thought the coconut shrimp was bland and soggy and the lettuce was wilted...) our conversation was more than enough. It's so nice for moms to get out once in awhile and be human (as opposed to animals caged in their homes?? haha) and talk intelligibly.
My friend Beckah is only 17 but she and I have so much fun together. She knows I am a total homebody, so she comes to visit me at my house quite a bit and bring me good laughs and conversation. I really don't know what I would do without her friendship and company in my life. In contrast, I have a friend named Martha who is in her 50's now, and when I lived in California, we'd have tea, and converse and enjoy rainy days together in coffeehouses, and generally just be women together. I love the diversity in age that my friends can have. I would be miserable if I was bordered in to only having friends in my age group. How boring! ALthough I deeply enjoy my friends in my age group, it is so interesting to get perspective from other generations as well. Martha had led such a rich life full of trials, and made it out the other end with wisdom and joy in her outlook. I needed to experience her perspective. It grows my faith to rub iron against iron in my friendships.
I am thankful for old friends who know everything about me, like Jillian and Lisa and Kate. I am thankful for new friends like Abby and Shannon, Heather and Hattie, who's love of the Lord and genuine faith reflect in their lives and light up any room they walk into. I am grateful for my young friends, Beckah and McKenna and CC, who keep tings fresh and are at life's threshhold, just plunging in to the newness of adulthood. They make me take things less seriously, and laugh more.
And I am thankful for my seasoned friends, like my mom and Martha and Sue, and Donna, whom I would run to in my deepest trials, because I know they'd pray with me and give me good advice.

Fresh Hearts

I heard the expression recently "keep your heart green", meaning: Stay fresh in the Lord. To do this we have to read His Word daily, pray, worship, put on the full armor of God, walk in love, afresh every day. Yesterday's manna won't do for today.
I am not writing this because I have come close to perfecting this action in my life, but because I am inspired to do so. When I take time to be filled each day anew, my day turns out better, simply stated. I am filled with way more joy in the trials, I have much more peace, I am not as short with my children, and I am excited about where my life is going and who is in it. On the flip side, when I rely on yesterday's faith to get me thru today, I fail at life. That sounds terrible, but really, I am a really incomplete person without God's grace and His indwelling every single day. I am prone to anger and isolation, and even selfishness. I am a crabby mother, and a crabby wife. All I want to do all day when I am in my fleshliness, is sit around catering to my own needs.
Not that I have time to do that, but it is my desire, and my children or my husband get my bad attitude while I do things for them, rather than a happy heart that is willing to do things out of love for them.
I want to have a fresh, green heart every day. So with that, I should go be with Him now. I leave you with this quote: "Give God the fresh blossom of the day. Never make Him wait until the petals have faded."

Humble Beginnings

I was thinking last night as I laid in bed, right after I turned off the light and put down my book, that it has already been 6 and a half years since Chris and I said our vows on our wedding day on that warm breezy day in June. It seems like we were the newlyweds just yesterday, the ones everybody thought were so young and just starting out.
I thought I could start out this blog by telling about our trail so far down the road of life, love, marriage, imperfections, and family. It has been a good one, and a difficult one, but as Chris says, it could always be worse.
Chris and I met at a Bible study in Santa Maria, CA. I was a single mom, he was a single dad, and I am sure to the outside eye it could've seemed like one of two things: ideal, or implausible. In fact, we both recall a few people saying things to us such as, "who will pay the bills?" and "where will you live?" But we didn't care! As soon as our friendship turned to love, all we cared about was being together, forever, and walking that path together was all we thought about.
God made things fall into place very quickly from that point and our dating term was only around 4 months long, before I was in the midst of planning a simple but lovely wedding for us. Our counselor's only concern was that we both seemed to have on rose-colored glasses when it came to seeing each other. But I think it had to start out like that for us, we had both been so hurt in past relationships, that it was refreshing to have my beloved incapable of wrongdoing (although the wake up call to reality came soon after we married!).
We lived with my dad for three months before finding a cheap apartment right in the ghetto of Santa Maria. We didn't see it as some junky place though, we felt so blessed to have our first little place together! Our Christmas tree that first year was one we called a Charlie Brown tree.
Everything began so simple and our faith grew rapidly in those first years together, because everything above the ordinary seemed like a miracle. And it was.
This is all for now, I will write more later.