I went into my daughter's room, which is perfectly put in place and clean at almost all times of every day. (Wonder where she gets that from, hmm?) She has a thankful bucket. Not a thankful jar. It's a big tin bucket where when you walk in her room, the rule is, you have to jot down one thing each time that you are thankful for on these little slips of paper she has then drop it into the thing. I stood there, alone in her room, with the pen hovering over the tiny piece of paper, drawing a blank. A blank, after God has obviously set us up in our own brand new cool barn house, in the country, with my healthy family, my doting and lovely husband, etc. But after a moment of self-abasement over that fact I realized that I wasn't not thankful, I had too many things I could list that I could be thankful for, but were not readily available in my mind because of my perspective.
I dumped out all of the little folded up pieces of thankfulness from her bucket and read every single one of them. I was teary as I read the last one: I am thankful for mama. My child is thankful for me. Messy, temperamental, easily-irritated at times, ME.
I wrote my little message on my blank slip, folded it and placed them all back into the bucket.
I went out onto our deck and sat in a chair with my bible and my journal, and not feeling at all like praying, I said a prayer that aligned with what I had written down: I am thankful for miracles. With a little quote I adore: Impossibility is the atmosphere surrounding a miracle.I kind of desperately cried out to God to see evidence of His miracles today.
Impossibility is the atmosphere surrounding a miracle? Which means my whole life is a miracle. My husband's life is a miracle. Each one of my kids' lives are miracles. The fact that we have a roof over our heads and exist, and dwell on the Central Coast in one of the most expensive places in America is indeed a miracle. I felt hope trickle into my cold heart. Thankfulness at all of this crazy goodness melted my icy thoughts and poured life-giving truth back in where I had allowed doubt and going through the motions to be my guide. It was so nice to know how quickly we can be refreshed if we just simply take even a few moments to sit still and fix our thoughts on a positive, prayerful place.
Suddenly, everything became more colorful for me once again. The birds seemed to sing a little clearer and sweeter. The breeze felt like it was blowing new fragrance into me, and my heart lifted a little. Hope is an interesting thing. The Bible says: A hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life. Proverbs 13:12. I have had so many longings fulfilled. I have also had many longings not yet fulfilled. But I also believe not everything is answered right away in the timing we expect. God works in a different time zone or higher manner that is hard to comprehend at times.
It was definitely not my choice to be without a home, floating around to different houses all summer long, but the end result was that the house we have ended up with is first of all, multiple times better than any place we were placing our applications in for, and that it just wasn't completed until almost the end of summer. Our finite minds couldn't have anticipated that outcome at the time, but I really feel strongly that God knew. Everything falls into place the way it is supposed to, in the best possible way, usually, if we can trust that. Trust in a Higher purpose than we can conceive of. Trusting the ultimate faithfulness of a God who promises good things to His kids.
I left the solace of the deck to go and pick up a free couch that a good friend of mine had hooked us up with. Her dad was giving it away and she thought it would look good in our house. I showed up with my friend Melissa in her little truck, and the couch was in perfect condition, and Pottery Barn, so very nice. We got back on the road to unload it into the house, and there was this older couple standing by the side of the golf course with their hazards on. Melissa stopped and asked if they were okay, as the man leaned against his cane. The woman approached the truck and told us she was taking pictures of the Jeep to sell on craigslist. I looked back at the car and kind of freaked out, because my car has been threatening to die and not making it up hills, in need of a head gasket and new transmission, which would cost more than the car itself is worth. I had been specifically searching for a Jeep, because our new property is bumpy and dusty, but it had to be in the three thousand range, which I came to believe was impossible for a Jeep in good condition. I had recently prayed, "Lord, You're just going to have to put one (a car) right into my direct path because I honestly have no idea how to do this."
I jumped out of the truck, and jogged to the couple displaying their Jeep for pictures. It was beautiful. The engine, perfectly detailed and spotless as though no one has driven the thing. I asked how much they were asking, to which she replied, "$2,700." WHAT. I told them I was going to be the one who buys their car. She laughed and he looked at me and said, "I never say no to a pretty girl." There are more details, which were uncanny, and I am taking it for a test drive and giving a deposit today. I am so excited! It was crazy! I had to share...just what a tiny, little prayer can do to change things in one day. I am a firm believer in this season as one of New Beginnings, cliche' or not, I have been finding it to be true, and I hope that you will too.
