Sometimes time goes very slow and other times it seems to have gone by much too fast, like when I look at how quickly my son Eli has gone from colicky babe to almost 18 years old and moving out into the big beyond.
I know I'm supposed to embrace the progression of time and I am thankful that he is so amazing and that I can be confident that he will make the best of decisions as he embarks on his new adventures in the world, BUT, in all honesty, I'm going to miss him SO freaking much! He is a solid guy. He makes me laugh really hard. He gets me. He is smart as a whip and witty as heck. He is stylish and helps me decide which outfit is best on me. He's tender and intuitive, he is a willing shoulder to cry on. I enjoy being with him tremendously, and it's going to be super weird not having him around.
I guess I just didn't see the day approaching so quickly- one rarely does, unless perhaps they have a difficult kid that puts them through the ringer, then you maybe wish that kid WOULD leave. Some kids never want to flee the nest, and that can get interesting. But Elijah has always been pretty independent. I remember leaving him in pre-school a couple days a week for awhile, and he'd run off as soon as we got there, "Bye momma!" as I stood there watching him approach the other kids unreservedly. When it was time to pick him up, of course, he'd see me and say,"You're back already?" haha. He's always been very secure in who he was and in my love.
We went on many adventures together and still do. He's the best co-pilot a mom can have. For five years, it was just him and me. I was a single ma, and he was my world. I was young and he was my learning ground, but somehow it all turned out more than okay. I'm so proud of him, the man he's become and becoming.
There are days I guess I just wish everything could stay the same, and all my chickens could remain in MY coop with me. But that's just not how things go. In fact, it would be highly abnormal to have him reject the idea of leaving to begin his own singular life apart from me. I am grateful for his eagerness, but the sadness remains. My buddy is moving on. I just pray he will still include me and his dad in his life, if not daily, then at least occasionally. Because I know a day won't go by (or night!) that I won't be thinking about him and what he's up to, and if he's safe, and......:)
