The reason I put the definition for the word gorge above is because I have felt it often in life. In friendships mostly. It seems a friendship should be a never-ending ring of promise, kind of like what marriage is supposed to be like, but as marriages end bitterly or in a divorce caused by "Irreconcilable Differences", so do friendships sometimes.
Legal definition:
Differences between spouses that are considered sufficiently severe to make married life together more or less impossible. In a number of states, irreconcilable differences is the accepted ground for a no-fault divorce. As a practical matter, courts seldom, if ever, inquire into what the differences actually are, and routinely grant a divorce as long as the party seeking the divorce says the couple has irreconcilable differences. Compare incompatibility; irremediable breakdown...
Translation: We once were crazy about each other, enough to get hitched for "life", but now, we just cannot find the bridge that once joined my country to yours emotionally or physically.
Sometimes friendships also feel as if (or actually do end up) they come to the fork in the road as well. It has happened in my life. For example, when I was in high school, there was this girl and we were inseparable, no joke. We spent the night at each others houses incessantly, did every thing imaginable together, etc. But suddenly her true colors came out and she was this jealous, bitter person if I branched out and made other friends (which I did), and it came to the point where I felt I had to decide between HER and being a normal person who held more than one relationship. Hence the big breakup. It was hard, but such a relief. Like a breath of fresh air, a clean start. I did this many times thereafter, mostly with boys though. Jealous friends are way freakier somehow than a jealous boyfriend. It's just...awkward and somehow very Single White Female-ish. You have to make the break. For health reasons of course. Mental health. Ha.
So I come to my point. Sometimes..inevitably, your country no longer joins to the other person's country at no fault of your own, or theirs for that matter, it's just seems to be a natural occurrence in life. You drift apart, or you move, or you get married and have nothing in common with that person anymore. It is a mournful event, and pictures taunt you, making you sorry it had to happen, but nonetheless it is natural. Sad, but natural. What do you do with all of the memories you made together? Disneyland trips? Shared confidences? Crushes? Wedding pictures? Hopes, dreams, all the rest? Count it as lost and wasted hours that you could have been doing...what? Something more productive than practicing at being a good friend, throwing caution to the wind in order to make alliances? I think not. Every friendship, whether it has stood the test of time (which is very much a fire that tests the precious metals of our very fiber), or one that ended up crumbling until you no longer call, write, visit, care, is worth the investment if at the time we feel it is worth investing in.
I have many friendships in my life that I feel were much better at one point. And then I start to wonder, worriedly, if I could have somehow done things differently to keep the momentum it once had. The intrigue may be gone, and just like in some marriages, you let down your guard so much that you simply "fell out of love" (which, for the record, is a statement I honestly despise for it's obvious cliche' and shallow connotations) with your friend. Simply, friendships on any level take work. They, just like marriages, are not unlike a garden which must be weeded, watered and tended carefully and thoughtfully. There are times when we decide, whether consciously or not, that that particular friendship is no longer worth the emotional effort. They don't respond the way they once did or whatever. We just lost interest maybe, or our insecurities get the better of us and we think they are "over us". Maybe they've changed, maybe we have, maybe something, who knows? The blue sky just no longer shines on our friendship. Do we give up? Throw in the towel? Move on discreetly, or make some big, confrontational deal out of it where there is no hope but to leave hurt, battered and confused? I come to my conclusion. I USED to be a person who would do this. I would sidle away, whistling nonchalantly, making my exit, taking my final bow, or take them to coffee and say Goodbye, this is no longer working out, it's been real... Okay, maybe not so easily, but still. NOW, I do not feel I have this option, and rather than being a restraint to my come and go easily, gypsy friend approach, it is satisfying to know that if Jesus was not a person Who would cast off Judas (JUDAS!! betrayer, back-stabber, fool!) from his friend list, than I no longer have that option either. I am His, and if He wants me to invest in every person He has lovingly placed in my realm of relational scope, than invest I will. If they choose to leave me in the dust, will I shake the dust off of my feet and move on in the opposite direction, giving furtive guilt-laden glances in their general path whenever we find ourselves in the uncomfortable position of being in the same place, same time, accidentally? Or will I avoid altogether that role of breaker-upper... I am rambling. Yes, this is what I do. I get this crazy idea for a blog finally, and I thought I knew exactly what I was going to say, that when a friendship seems to be ending, you politely excuse yourself, you call it a night, a season has come to an end, and you go. But as I am writing this, I find that Jesus, even through my rantings, has commandeered this so-called conversation into a more pleasing way for His glory. Just as I would never willingly cast off my marriage as hopeless, I would not allow a friendship that I have poured myself into to dwindle. You do not let go, you do not look for release, when it comes to friends, they have become FAMILY, especially when they too are believers. You hold on for dear life, you ask God to breathe fresh life into that entity, and you pour every ounce of LOVE into that person, because that, my friends, is what God would want from us. That is what He would do. So there's that.
